Sympathetic Autism? Is that a thing?
The other night I was exhausted, oh ok.. every night I’m exhausted but the other night I was more so. I just wanted to get into bed and be left alone. Sounds harsh I know. But it had been a very overstimulating day with 2 hours of fighting over my older son’s homework with meltdowns included. And meltdowns from my youngest son because my older son was having a hard time. Then there is the fighting over their dinners, getting showers, changing in to pj’s and cleaning up. It was a battle. When it was finally time for bed (THANK GOD) I didn’t want to hear noise, I didn’t want to be touched, I didn’t want to talk. I thought to myself that this is Autistic behavior! Ha, I caught Autism from my boys!!! Of course I’m joking about “catching” Autism, but when I step back and look, I have taken on many Autistic features. I totally have be on schedule… if not I feel out of control. If we go somewhere with too many people I get very anxious and worried. If it’s noisy, loud, too bright.. I’m bothered. Why? Because I know that when these things happen it’s very rough on my boys. I know whole days can be ruined by just one of these things occurring. So now, I’m hyper vigilante about them. I notice everything. And it’s exhausting. I have had people tell me to “Relax” or “Go with the flow” I wish I could. But at this point in our lives I can’t. Maybe when the boys are older and they can handle things better I will be able to relax a bit. For now it’s not an option.
It was interesting realizing these things. It gives me a special insight into what my boys feel. Always being ON. Always noticing everything around you. Never being able to just sit. And I now understand they feel exhausted at the end of their days too! I also understand that if you don’t live in our world it can seem like our family is too strict, too regimented, too structured. Like we don’t have fun or do anything spontaneous. Well, we do have our own fun, and we can’t be as spontaneous as others can but we still try. We just have to be hyper vigilant in everything we do. I thank this new revaluation for teaching me what my children feel.
I have had to tell my husband this very thing. He gets it because he feels the same way too. I hope with Autism Awareness everyone will understand!