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Why can’t I just make it all better?

February 27, 2013

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I try.  I really really try, to make things as OK as I can for my ASD son.   Sometimes by sheer will I think I pull it off.  Other times no matter what, it doesn’t work.  If only I had a magic wand.  Sigh…… I don’t.  Today I was hit over the head with the news that he might not be ready for Kindergarten.  Not due to his intelligence  (his teacher said he could probably be in 1st grade due to that) because of his Hyperactivity.  He can be absolutely wild.  His class consists of 12 children, 1 teacher and 5 aids.  And they have a hard time controlling him.  So imagine him in a classroom of 32 children and 1 teacher.  Yeah, it’s not a pretty thought.  I have known for a long time that he couldn’t handle those numbers.  I knew he would need an aid with him.  So when I talked to his teacher about it, she told me that most children this high functioning don’t get an aid.  She would help as much as she could, but she didn’t want to get my hopes up. We also talked about Meds.  He might need them.  I’m not against them… I just have to look at all the different options out there and what would work best for him.  I know what it feels like to be so wild.  I was a hyper child too.  It’s not fun.  It feels like you are a unsprung spring.  All coiled up and ready to POP at a moments notice.  It’s actually an awful out of control feeling.  Anything I can do, to make him feel more in control … I will do.   So as I was walking out of the school today crying a little bit and super worried about his future , I just thought how nice it would be to wave that magic wand and make his life easier and maybe mine too……

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Hey!  I promise I count my lucky stars.  My son is a bright shinning sun in our sky.  He’s verbal, he’s loving, he’s super smart.  We know how lucky and blessed we are.  AND I wouldn’t want to change anything because it makes him who he is.  What I wish is, things could just click easier for him.  Or maybe I wish things would click easier for those around him.  Including myself.   Because when you think about it… all of that energy and “wildness” now will most likely serve him well when he’s an adult.  He will have the energy and spark to do things and get things done.  Maybe even without coffee!!!!!  Wow!  The thought of that makes me feel even better.  It’s just getting to that point.. it’s like he has to catch up with his own energy

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I know I’m not alone when I wish I could make things all better for my child.  Most Moms feel the same.    The bottom line is this.. I agonize if I am doing the right things for him.  The right choices.  The best decisions.  I question every move.  What if I zig, and I’m supposed to zag?   When he’s older, I hope he knows I have always tried my best to do the very best for him.  See why a magic wand would be so much easier?!?!?  We will just make our way through.  I know we will make it, no matter how hard.  Why?  Because we have too.

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8 Comments
  1. Stacey Palaszczuk permalink

    If you zig, you were meant to zig. Same for the zags. He will always know that you are doing your best for him. Try not to worry so much about what you were supposed to do. You did what you were supposed to, just keep doing that and things will get better.

    • Thanks Stacey, just overwhelmed today with that bit of news. I am appreciative of your support. It means so much ❤

  2. Your blog is so nice! I really like the title. I can relate to every-single title you have posted, and I can’t wait to read through them! I just wrote my first new blog today. It is very positive and is very night and day bout what I am going to tell you here. When my son was 5 years old it was one of the hardest years of his life,and mine. He seemed to be out of control. Tantruming, throwing things,hitting himself,etc I think a lot of it was because he transitioned into the public school system. And of course, school said medicate him, especially after he head-butted a teacher. I agreed to medicate him, but only because I was experiencing the same problems at home, so I knew that they were being professionally honest. I also reached out to his casemanager, and she was ablt to assign a TSS to come over and do outings with me. It is really a good idea to reach out to early intervention services and school aged services when possible. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to know when you may need extra help for your child. Kyle is 16 now and heis doing GREAT! My (BLOG is http://autismguards.blogspot.com/ ) Regarding your son’s behavior and your son’s education, I would definitely request some of the best toolkits autismspeaks has(they mail them out to you because they are like 50 pages long!) and go onto their resource guide (http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/resource-guide) to see what’s available in your community,or close to it. Good luck! 🙂

    *If you need me,you can always contact me@ autismguards on facebook.

    • It’s been a wonderful experience to write this blog. I’m not a writer but boy does it feel nice to get all these things rolling around in my brain onto the computer screen. I will check those resources out. I did download Autism Speaks First 100 days tool kit when my son was first diagnosed and it was a lifesaver!!! Thanks 🙂

  3. I can tell that your son is obviously incredibly lucky to have a mom that is so invested in his future!! I have seen parents go through this same situation when it comes time for kindergarten. I hope that it all works out for the best!

  4. Shannon Gibson permalink

    I think you are my new favorite person!!! I can tell you that you are doing exactly what Kevin needs! You are a great mom. The biggest problem with ASD in my opinion is that there is no “course of action” so to say. Every decision IS agonizing because you and the professionals don’t know what’s best because its so different for each kiddo. It’s such a trial and error and that magic wand would be soooooo helpful.

    • Shannon, your comment means so much. And you really hit the nail right on the head. It’s so different for each child…. If you have met one child with Autism, you have met one child with Autism! Thanks for reading 🙂

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